i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
