Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
