dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
