I met the friendliest cop last night
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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