And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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