She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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