he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
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Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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