That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
