party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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