i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
