i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
