Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
