also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks