i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?