the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
