so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
