pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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