Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
