I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
