i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
