You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
