she looked like the before picture.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
