It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Randomize
