Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Porn is love you can see.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
