He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
