So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
