You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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