i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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