He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
