I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
