He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I love you. Go after that dick
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
