just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
