Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
