i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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