he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
