Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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