fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
