hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just invented taco cereal.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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