so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
