lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
