Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
