my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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