Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
