haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
