she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
