Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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