My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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