I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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