my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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