My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She bit a glass in half.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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