omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
