Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
