genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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