I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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