im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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