my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
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we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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