Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
