So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
