i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
