dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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