he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
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This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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