WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
