I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
