I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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