Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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