porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
