six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
