I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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