don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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