How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
