as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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