In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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