I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
