when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
