im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
from now on my penis is your penis
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
