Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
