Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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