Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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