told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i will never coherently bang her
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
