We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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