brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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